DannyBoyinExile

After weeks of speculation, the lockdown finally arrived – and with it, the much anticipated shakedown. Of course, we had a week to prepare for it, before they made it to my wing. So anyone with any common sense (and even a few guys without any!) had plenty of time to jettison their contraband items such as bottles of glue and tattoo ink, rolls of tape, colored pens and markers, homemade multi-plugs, and various other random things that they’ve accumulated – which are easily replaceable, after the shakedown.
This is a good time to declutter anyway, and toss out excess paperwork, books that everyone on the wing has read, and magazines in which all the interesting pictures have been defaced or clipped out entirely… My neighbor had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to look at an old Us Weekly magazine. I quickly discovered that all the pretty women had been cut out – leaving only the ugly ones (and the men!) behind. I’m like, “Dude, this magazine only has MEN in it! Does this mean you’re coming out of the closet, or what?” (To which he could only laugh, because if he’d said no, that would mean he’s still IN the closet!)
Inmates are quick to discard or pass along excess property before a shakedown, because we have to pack all of our property and carry it (or DRAG it, in some cases!) all the way to the gym. There are even red boxes there, approximately the size of an inmate’s locker, where we are supposed to load all of our belongings into, to demonstrate that we don’t have way too much, which is labelled as “excess property”.
We are placed in lines, in front of tables, each of which will have a pair of guards searching property, checking ownership by looking at our property papers, tossing contraband into the nearest trashcan – and writing confiscation papers, or even disciplinary cases, when necessary.
By then, most inmates have gotten rid of contraband items on their own, except for things like radios, hot pots, or fans, which they do their best to get away with. During every shakedown I hear a hundred sad stories about why inmates don’t have papers for their appliances – and I also hear several temper tantrums when their carefully crafted explanations didn’t work, and the item was confiscated.
One guy on my wing went to lockup, which gave us a new Wynne’s Dumbest Criminal – at least, for the day. The guards were instructing us to sit on the floor, facing AWAY from the tables, while they searched our property. He quite simply (and quite vocally) refused to do that. He felt that we should be able to WATCH them search our property, so that we can see anything they take from us – and object to it, if necessary. The guy felt he was entirely justified. Me? I think he was an idiot… I mean, first of all, we (as inmates) have to learn better problem solving skills than that. He accomplished absolutely nothing – except getting a case and going to lockup. And not for anything he wasn’t supposed to have, but because he wouldn’t follow the procedure.
I understand his argument. Even I noticed several things they took away from me that were entirely legal. But I didn’t notice until AFTER the shakedown, when I unpacked my property. Yet I’m smart enough to realize that, BECAUSE the items were legal, it will be no problem at all to replace them.
At any rate, I was glad to get past yet another shakedown. Now we’re one step closer to normal activities around here – and I even got a pretty good workout, carrying all of my property back and forth. Guys had been complaining about how boring it was, on lockdown – but they weren’t bored THAT day, for sure! A major shakedown is never a “pleasant” experience. But we will always have negative experiences to get through. And if we can get through them without making them any worse, that gives us a huge advantage over the other people who can’t. Sometimes this is as simple as learning to keep our mouths shut, and keeping our complaints to ourselves. If anything we say can and will make a situation worse – then it’s never a bad idea to just shut up. So says DannyBoy.