DannyBoyinExile

Since the holiday season is already near,
let me tell you the tale of when Santa came here.
He had heard of this unit, but didn’t expect
to hit seven building and go through a check.
Now he wasn’t here for five minutes before
he was called to the shower to face a back-door.
Tyrone went in first, and started to weave
but Santa Claus had a few tricks up his sleeve.
He went hard in the paint, with no playing around –
and it didn’t take long til Tyrone laid it down!
Now I hope that ole Claus didn’t think he was through
’cause the Mexicans wanted a try at him, too.
They sent in ole Juan, to handle the job
but Santa was sharp with his weave and his bob.
He tore his ass up, and before he was through –
Juan caught a ride with ole Santa Claus too!
Now everyone knows the back-door stops with three,
and the last person sent to the shower was me.
Santa showed everybody how good he could fight
so I pulled out my shank and I got his heart right.
I told him, “Santa – I know that you’re down,
so we can just stop all this playing around.
And I know that your posse of reindeer is near
but Santa ain’t running a damn thing here.”
Then Santa said, “Here, I will give you my coat.
But please take that knife away from my throat.”
Santa Claus didn’t know what to expect
but ole Dan took his coat as a sign of respect.
Then the rest of the woods here helped Danny decide
that they’d let Santa make it, and not make him ride.
We already knew one of Santa’s great joys
was passing out presents to good little boys.
He pulled out his list of our letters to Claus
and started by giving Chris Grace some dolls.
What Lucas wanted, we already knew –
his very own punk, and a move slip, too!
Nobody expected that he’d stop and think
that Breakiron wanted a gun and some ink.
Then Billy the punk got tears in his eyes
’cause he got his new panties, but in the wrong size.
But a punk for a wife Danny never would have
and he couldn’t get moved ’cause he’d acted so bad.
He got very quiet and started to pout
as he realized he had just gotten stuck out.
He reached for his shank and he pulled it out fast –
then told Santa this Christmas Eve was his last.
Just why it happened – nobody knows,
but Dan started filling ole’ Santa with holes.
When we realized he had been up to no good
Danny ran to the rec yard, as fast as he could.
Now he wore Santa’s boots, and his hat on his head.
And he called for the reindeer, then jumped in the sled.
The boss couldn’t see him, because of the snow –
as Dan told the reindeer to hurry, let’s go!
What he wanted for Christmas, we already knew
and his wish to be free had just come true.
(by Danny Matthews)
Note: I wrote this poem back in 1995. Many things were different in TDCJ back then – including the fact that the Terrell Unit I was referring to has been renamed since then, and is called Polunsky Unit today. I was on 8 building then, which today would be called G5. We were on lockdown for four and a half months straight, which also included Christmas. While everyone else was hanging out in the dayroom, and eating a spectacular meal – we were locked in our cells, eating the standard sack meals that accompany any lockdown.
We basically missed out on Christmas that year, so I wrote this poem so that everyone could at least get a laugh out of it. A friend of mine read it aloud, so that our whole section could hear – and they especially found it hilarious because all the people I mentioned by name lived on the section with us.
It wasn’t a particularly “merry” Christmas, but I’ve found that a little humor can make almost any situation more bearable – even in prison.
So says DannyBoy.