Today, I can remember the first time I ever used drugs. I didn’t get them from any dealer on a street corner, or my friends at school. I got them from my parents. I was about eight years old, and they thought it was cool to pass their joints to me.
Today, I am in prison. After doing drugs for the past ten years, I’m finally beginning to think about myself and my actions. Before now, I never learned to care about other people, because I really never cared about myself. Now that I HAVE learned, it is too late.
Today, I am serving a life sentence. As I think about my life and what got me here, I realize that my life has been out of control for as long as I can remember. I never felt as cool, or as accepted, as I did when I got high. Then I struggled to get off the drugs as hard as I struggled to come up with money to pay for them.
Today, I am back in a hotel, and I have just finished robbing it. I want this event to be over with, so I can get away from here – and buy more drugs. And I am scared. The drugs I’m already on have convinced me that when I do attempt to leave, they will look for any opportunity to stop me or come after me. I can think of only one solution.
Today, I am back in prison. I never considered myself to be a problem inmate. In general population, I did what I needed to do. On a unit filled with violent people, making it is more important than staying out of trouble. I have stabbed one inmate, and been caught with two other weapons. But I have made it.
Today, I am in “super-seg”, on a special High-Security Unit. I have been in solitary confinement for over three and a half years. I am 26 years old. My life so far has been very short – and very long. About the only thing I haven’t tried is suicide.
Today, I’m thinking about it. I can’t remember the angel I was, before I was anything else. Before I became a drug addict, a thief, a felon, or a killer. I’ll never accept the fact that the rest of society will always look down on me. That I’m less than human because of the choices I’ve made.
Today, prison won.
Snapshots
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DannyBoyinExile 
One response to “Snapshots”
Danny,
I have been reading your blogs. You are a very intelligent, thoughtful and caring man, I’m sorry that it took life in prison to get to the point that you would spend so much time reflecting on your life and on the bad choices you have made. Reading your blogs I have been amazed at your positive attitude. Your blogs have been an inspiration to me and I’m sure to many others.
I was a slave to alcohol from the time I was a teen to age 33. I reached a place where I was without hope. I hated my life but there didn’t seem to be any way out. I had heard the gospel message of Jesus Christ and had even prayed before but was only willing to accept Jesus on my terms. On October 27th, 1984 with one of the worse hangovers of my life I got on my knees and dedicated my life to Jesus, on His terms. I didn’t fully know what those terms were but believed they were better than what I was living at the time. He answered my prayer and took away the craving for alcohol that very moment. I’m 73 now and I preach the gospel of Jesus Christ in a small church every Sunday.
Life didn’t become perfect but it’s a whole lot better that before. I wouldn’t trade my best day before Christ for my worst day with Him. I have 3 children, my daughter is in med school, one son is living in a storage shed in Denton and my youngest son is in prison in Texas. Through it all I have hope and confidence that God is working in the lives of my children. I am praying for them and I will be praying for you too. Keep your eyes open and watch as God answers my prayers for you.
Don’t give up hope Danny, get a Bible and read the book of John. Contact me any time.
Al Weber
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