DannyBoyinExile

After so many years in prison, I’ve learned to appreciate humor, and how it can be used to lighten almost any negative situation. It won’t make the situation go away, of course, but after you’ve laughed about something, it’s simply not as terrible.
In that spirit, I can’t help but make jokes about our food. When someone asks me what they’re serving for chow, I’ll simply say Covid Casserole – and he’ll know EXACTLY what I mean.
For some of my readers who may not know, I can illustrate it simply and succinctly: Have you ever had Covid? Do you remember how you could taste nothing whatsoever, as you chewed and swallowed your food? That’s exactly what our casseroles taste like!
Due to the ever-present budget cuts, and food shortages overall, I suspect that “flavor” was the latest item to be slashed from the TDCJ budget. We now eat a variety of flavorless meals. Besides the aforementioned Covid Casserole, there’s also Covid Pot Pie, Covid Spaghetti, or Covid Stroganoff, which are equally bland. It doesn’t matter WHAT type of meat you include – you simply will not taste it without any added seasonings.
I’ve tried spreading the beans atop the casserole, but that doesn’t work, either. Flavorless beans will do nothing to augment flavorless casseroles. The other day, the only thing on my tray that I could taste was the corn – and I hate corn!
Some people have enough foresight to bring their own seasonings to chow with them – and I feel sorry for them. Because everybody they know (and quite a few people they don’t!) will be calling from all over the chow hall to bum “just a little” from them. After this happened to me for about the twentieth time, I had to cut them off. “Do you think I have a spice tree in my cell? I had to BUY this stuff – and I didn’t buy it in case YOU needed any!”
I decided that it was cheaper to stop bringing it to chow, and start bumming, just like everybody else. (just kidding!) One thing I can say for certain is that they clearly found a way to stop inmates from jumping back in line to try and eat again! Stop adding seasoning to it, and nobody wants it. I try to be polite and offer my tray to whoever is hungry – and I can’t even GIVE it away.
I didn’t think it was possible for a kitchen to run out of something as basic as salt, but they clearly have. And maybe it’s not a bad thing! Many people decide to skip meals altogether, rather than making the trip for something that they’re only going to be disappointed with, and won’t even eat. It’s not as if anyone in TDCJ is starving, and many of the guys skipping meals could stand to lose a few pounds in the first place! It may even prove healthier for the inmates with high blood pressure, who are SUPPOSED to be avoiding salt.
This is prison, though, where we should always expect the unexpected. They’ll probably get some salt in, and send our blood pressure back up again, in no time at all! Like everything else, this too will pass. We got rid of Covid, after all, so it shouldn’t be long before we get rid of Covid Cuisine as well. So says DannyBoy.