DannyBoyinExile

One weekend a month, you can see so many inmates doing their best supermodel impersonations that it almost looks like a reality show – Wynne Gone Wild! That’s because the first full weekend of every month is officially “picture weekend” in TDCJ.
All over the state, inmates will be at visitation with their families, posing for the only official pictures that are available to us. A designated officer will serve as the official photographer (for better or worse!) – and it’s up to the inmates and families to come up with various poses to make themselves stand out (subject to the officer’s veto, that is), rather than just looking at the camera and smiling. That may look nice (for some of us!), but they all tend to look the same, month after month, and requires some creativity to look unique.
I had a superb idea for a picture: me and my wife, with our hands around each other’s necks – like we’re strangling each other – but with huge grins on our faces. (Mine, anyway. Sometimes I think she’d enjoy strangling me for real!) Alas, my idea has always been vetoed.
The designated officer will take the picture of you together, show you the image on the digital camera, and email it to the visitor in a matter of days.
My wife and I made the startling discovery that whoever happens to be standing on the right side (the photographer’s right) always looks really heavy, for some reason. Sadly, that’s why it’s always ME who has to stand on that side, looking bloated! They should put a caption on the photos: “Objects on the right side are much slimmer than they appear!”
Kudos to TDCJ, of course, for allowing us the opportunity to even take these pictures at all – and they are absolutely free. I remember a time when they sold us Polaroid pictures for three dollars each – and they could still charge us, if they wanted to. But they provide the cameras, the officer, and ensure that they’re all emailed. They usually even provide some sort of backdrop to stand in front of. And they don’t charge us a cent for it.
In prison, you can find many things to complain about, if you choose to do your time that way. But there are always a few bright spots in any gray day, and I prefer to stay focused on those. That’s something we should all learn to do – no matter which side of the fence we call home. So says DannyBoy.