DannyBoyinExile

Since I just had a birthday recently, I couldn’t help but be reminded of some of the birthday traditions around here. You may think that your birthday wouldn’t be important to anyone but yourself, in places like this – but you’d be surprised at the lengths some inmates will go through, to make your birthday special.
I cannot remember how many “birthday spreads” people have cooked for me, in years past. Your associates all pitch in whatever various ingredients they possess, and they’ll get together and make a pizza, some nachos, or a birthday cake – which could very well cover the entire top of a table, in the dayroom! Even people who aren’t in your inner circle of friends are generally quick to pitch in whatever they can, in the spirit of making someone feel that their birthday still matters. It’s important for us to show love to each other in places like this (even people we may not necessarily know very well), because whether we like it or not, we’re here – and if we don’t care about each other, nobody will.
Unfortunately, depending on who your closest associates happen to be – you just may have the brokest batch of homeboys you can imagine, so a birthday spread might be out of the question. People who don’t have much money in the first place – or spend it on foolish things that they shouldn’t – won’t have lots of commissary lying around, to pitch in for someone’s birthday. In that case, there is still the “birthday ass-whipping”, which is extremely popular throughout TDCJ – and doesn’t cost a dime.
Your associates will catch you in the dayroom, wrestle you to the ground, and rain blows down on your arms, legs, chest, and butt. I’ve seen a few mishaps occur. Some people are simply so uncoordinated that they have no business play-fighting with ANYBODY – but that doesn’t stop them. I don’t know how patient I’d be with a birthday black eye, or a birthday bloody nose, so I’m grateful that it’s never happened to me!
Years ago, on Robertson Unit, I saw a guy get wrestled down and beat up on the rec yard – and one of the participants decided to put a hickey on the guy’s neck, while they were holding him down! Even I will admit that that was taking things a little too far – but it was absolutely hilarious. Especially when a new officer (OJT) in front of the chow hall noticed it and caused a scene. “Oh my God! Did that guy have a HICKEY on his neck?”
He immediately made a U-Turn, to explain himself, while I kept going, and almost died laughing. What do you tell a female (especially a pretty one!) who asks you what a guy in prison is doing with a hickey on his neck? “You know how one thing leads to another…” Ha! Better him than me.
We just beat up a guy on my wing for his birthday, just a few weeks ago. He thought he was slick, and didn’t come out of his cell the entire day. WE thought he was just scared, so we simply beat him up the next day. Happy Belated Birthday!
He REALLY would’ve wanted to get me back for my birthday, so I did the smart thing, and kept my birthday to myself. I got a few Happy Birthday emails, but other than that, it was just an ordinary day. There was nothing special for chow, nothing good on TV, and they were short of staff, as usual. But every day is what you make it, whether it’s your birthday or not – and that’s just as true out there as it is in here. So says DannyBoy.