DannyBoyinExile

There is a tradition in TDCJ now, for inmates to decorate (personalize) their tablets. They come with a rubber case, to protect against drops (the tablets, not the inmates), which happens to be clear. So they place a picture, upside-down, on the back of the tablet. Since it’s see-through, the picture is clearly visible, and serves as a way for people to identify their tablets. In fact, anyone can identify its owner simply by becoming familiar with whatever picture he’s decorated it with.
More often than not, an inmate will choose a picture of the raunchiest, scantily-clad female he can find, and proudly place her in his tablet. It’s almost like a contest, to see who can come up with the raunchiest picture!
I must confess that I was just as caught up in it as everybody else. I found a picture that was so skanky (and… ahem… sexy!) that it would have been in the top three of practically any dayroom on the Wynne Unit. It was practically pornography – and cost me three stamps, to be exact.
Other guys have come up with cool pictures of their own, to be sure. One guy had a picture of some drunk girl squatting down and peeing on the concrete, outside of a bar! It was a conversation piece, no doubt – but the girl in my picture was pretty AND raunchy, so I had him beat.
I learned a lesson in maturity one day, when I was called to the office, and told to bring my tablet with me. I had been having problems receiving my emails, so my wife called the Regional Mailroom personnel to complain, and find out what was wrong.
They were all in the office waiting for me, and all happened to be female. So I pull out my tablet – and I’ll never forget the look on their faces as they all saw my award-winning picture.
One of them even said, “Is that your wife?” Ha! I salvaged enough humor to say, “No. I only WISH my wife would take me some pictures like that!”
They all laughed, but I’d embarrassed myself. It brought home the value of trying to see myself as other people see me – and not just inmates. When these respectable, free-world people (females, at that) saw my picture, they weren’t exactly impressed. I clearly didn’t make a good first impression on them – and it was entirely my fault.
As soon as I got back to my wing, I got rid of the picture. (I SOLD it, of course – I had to get my three stamps back!) Now the painting of Napoleon crossing the Alps on his horse is gracing the back of my tablet – which is offensive to nobody.
When people sarcastically ask me if I think I’m Napoleon, I sarcastically ask them, “Do you think you’re that skank bent over doggy-style on the back of YOUR tablet?”
It’s easy to get caught up in the prison lifestyle to the point that we forget it’s only temporary. There’s a whole society out there, filled with people whose opinions matter more – and it’s them I should try to fit in with. So says DannyBoy.