DannyBoyinExile

The other day, I’m on my way home from work, when who do I pass in the hallway but Coco (the gender bender I work with in the laundry). We’re headed in opposite directions, but he happened to have my pen in his pocket (no, he wasn’t just happy to see me!), which I decided it was a fine time to return. As we lean towards each other for a brush-pass that would make the CIA proud, I KNOW he’s gonna want a hug, so I reached out with my arms (to ward him off, I mean!), gritted my teeth (just kidding) – and ran right into his face, which was plastered across my cheek. I’ve never used the term “face-plant” before, but it clearly applies here.
He immediately apologized. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were gonna hug me.” I just laughed and said, “You ALWAYS want a hug! But it’s OK.” So I hugged him properly – which means BRIEFLY! – and went on about my business.
I make it a few steps down the hall, and some female CO stops me. “Hey. What exactly is your relationship with him? What’s going on with y’all?”
I’m like, “Nothing, I’m just his friend. Actually I work in the laundry with him.”
She replied with the most sarcastic tone of voice I’ve ever heard. “Nice try! I just watched him hug you, and KISS you on the CHEEK, right in the middle of the hallway! That’s not just friends.”
I immediately tried to defend myself. “No! That’s NOT what happened. It may have looked that way from behind, but he actually face planted right against me, since we were going in opposite directions.”
She still wasn’t convinced. (The CO, I mean. My only witness – the gender bender – had already made a clean getaway.) “Still. He just hugged you twice in a row. That’s too friendly.”
I’m just a friendly guy, I guess (and he’s CLEARLY a friendly guy), but I realized right away that the only reason it looked that way was because he was gay. Honestly, I’m hugged by dudes in here at least five times a day. It’s not that I’m trying to be the UnaHugger, by any means. But as I walk through the hallways, to work, to chow, to rec, or simply sit in the dayroom, I’m surrounded by masses of people. I consider it a point in my favor that I get along with so many of them – especially to the extent that they want to shake my hand, hug me, or pat my back as we greet each other.
Even Coco (who happens to be the one gender bender who feels comfortable to just run up and hug me on a regular basis) (TOO regular of a basis, clearly!) wouldn’t – and doesn’t – go and hug everybody he sees, or even everybody he knows. I’m just lucky (or unlucky!) enough to be trusted to the point where he knows I won’t take it the wrong way, which is exactly how the other guys feel, who have felt compelled to hug me.
It would be homophobic of ME (and wrong of me, period) to suddenly change on him – and shun him, refuse to hug him, or stop talking to him altogether, just because he’s a homosexual. Quite frankly, I have nothing to hide, at any rate, to need to suddenly change my behavior or actions in any way. (THAT would look suspicious!)
I think it makes me a better person to continue to treat him like a regular person than to treat him differently because of what someone else may think of me because of it. If I were to suddenly be mean to him, or ignore him, it may make other people think more highly of me – but I wouldn’t be a better person because of it. I’d rather be the one person who kept it real with him, even though our relationship consists of nothing more than talking. (And hugging!)
So I’ll continue to hug the little guy – and anyone else who cares to, as well. Some people would rather be feared than loved. But I’d rather be loved than feared, even in prison. As for the CO who jammed me up in the hallway – she can get a hug too, if she needs it. I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy.
I’ve seen prison change people, harden people, and even break people. I just do my best to not let it change me. I prefer to change MYSELF, and that’s what we should all try to do. So says DannyBoy