DannyBoyinExile

Any time you (or your cellmate) gets moved to a different cell, the first concern that immediately flashes into your mind is what sort of cellie you’ll end up with next. All people may be equal, according to the Constitution – but all CELLIES aren’t equal, for sure.
You could end up with a crackhead, for example, who spends more time slumped over, unconscious, than he does being conscious! With that comes the joys of having him vomit all over everything in the cell. To make matters worse, at that point he will probably still be “stuck” (unable to move), and not be in any shape to help clean up his own mess.
That’s not to mention the joys of your cell becoming “hot”, and always being searched because of his antics. A cellie like that is generally broke, after spending all of his own money on something to smoke – and will have no problem bumming coffee or soups off of you, because you seem to have plenty. (No, thanks! Besides – I won’t have plenty for long if I give it all away!)
Closely related to the crackheads are the thieves. (Most thieves are crackheads, for sure – but that’s not always the case.) You may have a cellie that’s just plain sheisty. (“Sheisty”, for the uninitiated, is a word that means dirty, sneaky, and dishonest, all rolled into one.) People like that will do things like help themselves to coffee from your jar – then deny they ever did it. Some people have noticed shortages not only in their coffee, but items such as lotion, shampoo, or toothpaste as well. (These are things you wouldn’t necessarily keep locked in your locker.) One guy found out his cellie was using his DEODORANT, when he found one of the guy’s underarm hairs on it! (He shaved his own underarms, so there was no mistaking what happened.) It reminds me of the times when I’d help myself to various items as I walked through the grocery store – but it’s a much different feeling when it’s YOUR stuff being pilfered.
Then there are the perverts, who nobody wants to live with. (Not even other perverts!) Some inmates get a thrill out of exposing themselves to various females as they pass by their cells – and some of them are completely obsessed with it. (The perverts, I mean. The poor ladies walking by? Not so much.) When you are awakened in the middle of the night because of some female CO screaming at your cellmate because he was masturbating as she did her count (while you were in the cell!) – somebody has to go. As far as I’m concerned, there is NO justification for somebody to be masturbating while their cellmate is literally an arm’s length away from them!
Even if someone doesn’t masturbate, steal, or do drugs – that doesn’t necessarily make them a good cellie. Some people are just dirty, and see no reason to “waste” time cleaning the cell, “since it’s only gonna get dirty again”. I personally don’t worry about that because I clean enough for both of us. I clean my cell on a daily basis, and I take pride in keeping it visibly clean and smelling good. Some people are bullies about cleaning, to the point that they make schedules for whose day it is to clean – but not me. All my cellie needs to do is clean up after himself, if he spills something or makes a mess. Otherwise, I’ve got it.
I lost my cellmate yesterday, when he was dropped to G4 status – and I can’t say that I miss him. He wasn’t the smartest, coolest, or cleanest guy I could’ve hoped for (and I suspect he wasn’t the straightest!), but now I have the best cellie of all: me! We’re on lockdown, so there’s a good chance that I won’t get one at all until we go back to normal operations, which is fine with me. I’ll enjoy my solitude, without having to worry about getting in anyone’s way, or vice versa. But it’s only a matter of time before I do get one, so wish me luck. If I do end up with somebody I can’t possibly live with, who I can’t stand (or can’t stand me!), it’s not the end of the world. In today’s TDCJ, you can always get yourself moved, so you only have to be patient until then.
When you do end up with a good cellie, it’s a relief for both of you, since you both know it could always be worse. I don’t know who I’ll end up with next – but I know HE’LL get a good cellie, and I hope the feeling is mutual. So says DannyBoy.